Timing
Its 2am, and of course, I can't sleep...
I've been getting bored lately. So I've thought about getting a new tattoo or piercing, but instead settled on a new hair cut (which I love) I've been hanging out with new people, doing new things. I think thats the only way to get something new out of my life. Because if you keep doing the same things, you're going to get the same results, right?
... I've been thinking about timing. I know I've written about this before, it seems to be the story of my life.
... But I'm beginning to think life is simply about timing and distance. Things never turn out the way that you have them planned. Like before you go out on a first date with someone and as much as you might try not to, you always run through what you think is going to happen. And what is the main difference between our preconceived notions and the reality that follows hours later? Timing. Instead of the guy kissing you at your door at the end of the night, it happens too soon, throwing you off guard and making you completely second guess everything. That might have been a bad example, but it makes sense in my head.
... Every half-serious relationship that I have been in has ended due to a timing or distance conflict (sometimes those are one in the same)... The guy was going to college, I was going to college, he was going into the army, he lived in Pittsburgh while I was in Slippery Rock, we were both at different points in our lives... yadda yadda yadda. I think this is probably why most serious relationships falter. Because if you're in a serious relationship with someone, it probably wont end because of something stupid like you don't like their type of music.
... I think that I'm so afraid to find out that the timing is wrong that lately I haven't even been trying to find out. Instead I've been trying to just have my fun at that moment. And that's fine and everything, but when I stop and really look back at it. I know that I've been hurt. And not by the person, but by the timing. I've only been hurt, really hurt, once by a guy. Unfortunately that was the last one. And I know its a matter of timing. Because everything else was there. We had spent six years missing those moments like they do in the movies. You know exactly what I mean, those sappy love songs where there is some force that is keeping the two main characters from meeting. Where the girl rounds the corner the second before the guy turns to his left to see that same corner.
... A lot of the times we sit and wait for timing to work itself out. But what are the chances in that? That yesterday wasn't good, but tomorrow everything will be perfect. I guess with love it only has to happen once. Just once everything else has to be perfect, and the timing has to fit. Just once.
... There's one scene in Season 3 of One Tree Hill that really gets me. I think its because its something that I have actually said to someone and they have said back, word for word.
I've been getting bored lately. So I've thought about getting a new tattoo or piercing, but instead settled on a new hair cut (which I love) I've been hanging out with new people, doing new things. I think thats the only way to get something new out of my life. Because if you keep doing the same things, you're going to get the same results, right?
... I've been thinking about timing. I know I've written about this before, it seems to be the story of my life.
... But I'm beginning to think life is simply about timing and distance. Things never turn out the way that you have them planned. Like before you go out on a first date with someone and as much as you might try not to, you always run through what you think is going to happen. And what is the main difference between our preconceived notions and the reality that follows hours later? Timing. Instead of the guy kissing you at your door at the end of the night, it happens too soon, throwing you off guard and making you completely second guess everything. That might have been a bad example, but it makes sense in my head.
... Every half-serious relationship that I have been in has ended due to a timing or distance conflict (sometimes those are one in the same)... The guy was going to college, I was going to college, he was going into the army, he lived in Pittsburgh while I was in Slippery Rock, we were both at different points in our lives... yadda yadda yadda. I think this is probably why most serious relationships falter. Because if you're in a serious relationship with someone, it probably wont end because of something stupid like you don't like their type of music.
... I think that I'm so afraid to find out that the timing is wrong that lately I haven't even been trying to find out. Instead I've been trying to just have my fun at that moment. And that's fine and everything, but when I stop and really look back at it. I know that I've been hurt. And not by the person, but by the timing. I've only been hurt, really hurt, once by a guy. Unfortunately that was the last one. And I know its a matter of timing. Because everything else was there. We had spent six years missing those moments like they do in the movies. You know exactly what I mean, those sappy love songs where there is some force that is keeping the two main characters from meeting. Where the girl rounds the corner the second before the guy turns to his left to see that same corner.
... A lot of the times we sit and wait for timing to work itself out. But what are the chances in that? That yesterday wasn't good, but tomorrow everything will be perfect. I guess with love it only has to happen once. Just once everything else has to be perfect, and the timing has to fit. Just once.
... There's one scene in Season 3 of One Tree Hill that really gets me. I think its because its something that I have actually said to someone and they have said back, word for word.
Brooke: "I wanted you to fight for me"
Lucas: "How was I suppose to know that?"
Brooke: "You just are"
Lucas: "How was I suppose to know that?"
Brooke: "You just are"
... I don't know if anyone else can understand why that quote works so well with the rest of this entry. But if not oh well, I'm done worry about if anyone else can understand my entries and what I'm feeling or trying to get at. Because lately I have learned that the people that I really care about and want to read this and understand are actually the ones who can. Either because they know me well enough to have some sort of idea how my brain works, or because they too are going through a similar experience.
... I've thought about editing my entries. Like posting them at night and then going back to them the next day and rearranging them to make them make more sense. But I've decided that if I do that, I would lose the Heather in the entries. Jumping around from thought to thought, not necessarily getting out what I originally wanted to, that's how I am, thats how my life works. And if I went and edited the entries then I wouldn't be doing myself or my readers justice. (And all of you that know me well enough would be able to pick up on that extremely quickly)
Ok, I really need to stop rambling though and try to get some sleep tonight.
... I've thought about editing my entries. Like posting them at night and then going back to them the next day and rearranging them to make them make more sense. But I've decided that if I do that, I would lose the Heather in the entries. Jumping around from thought to thought, not necessarily getting out what I originally wanted to, that's how I am, thats how my life works. And if I went and edited the entries then I wouldn't be doing myself or my readers justice. (And all of you that know me well enough would be able to pick up on that extremely quickly)
Ok, I really need to stop rambling though and try to get some sleep tonight.
posted by Heather @ 9/24/2007 12:51:00 AM
1 Comments:
At September 24, 2007 at 7:13 PM ,
Unknown said...
Good call on not de-Heathering your posts. That's what makes them compelling.
Besides, if you de-Heathered them I'd be reading a blank entry. Not cool.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home