I don't even know what to say

Yesterday afternoon I got some bad news. Diana, a girl that went to my high school, who threw with me for a year, whose older brother was one of my best friends in high school was killed in a car accident. Two months ago a boy was killed in a car accident who was in Diana's graduating class. For such a small town, we've experienced a lot of deaths since the time I started high school.

I don't think that it has hit me yet... it usually doesn't until the viewing. The viewings are always the worst. I cry more for other people than I do for myself. Seeing the family's grieving is what sends the tears down my cheeks.

Isn't it odd how strong most families are at a viewing? Their faces are always set in stone, emotionless. I know that if I were ever in their shoes it would be a completely different story. I'm too emotional. I cry too much. I'm not ashamed of my feelings, although most people are.

Some thing that I find odd is how facebook now plays a part in grieving. I've noticed that as soon as the word gets out about someone's death everyone flocks to their facebook account. Person after person leaves prayers and memories. I'm not going to lie. It kind of freaks me out a little bit, but I find myself drawn to the accounts and reading the wall posts, and crying even more.

Tomorrow Lauren and I have a busy day. We have an open enrollment from 10-3 in Cochranton, then we have to head back to Erie for a new group enrollment @ 4:30. It could very easily turn into a 12 hour day, which means that I will probably be grouchy tomorrow. I apologize ahead of time.

I know that this entry is different than most of mine. But I guess it just fits my mood.

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Action Packed Friday

Yesterday was one of the oddest days of my life. Everything was going fine until Lauren and I stopped at Suburban Tool & Die in Erie to try to schedule an appointment to talk to the owner. The owner said that he wasn't interested so we thanked him for his time anyway and he held the door open for us when we left. Then right when Lauren and I were about to get into her car he says to us. "How dare you come to a business without an appointment". I started to tell him that was the purpose of our stop, to simply make the appointment. But the guy cuts me off and tells us that we look like a couple of teenagers on our way to the mall and that the only reason we stopped was because we wouldn't be able to make an appointment with him. We both just stood there stunned as he went and got into his car and drove away. I have absolutely no idea why this guy would have attacked us like that. Lauren and I are never anything except for polite when we are at work, and we're honestly 2 of the nicest people you could ever meet. For this guy to turn around and say that to us, and its not even what he said, but the way that he said it, completely... baffles me. How could anyone ever think that they have the right to treat someone that they don't know like that? Lauren is 24 and I am 22, is it our fault that we young? Are younger people not suppose to be professional? I'm sorry that I'm not a 50-something old man who needs to put sunscreen on the top of his head when the sun is out. I don't have expensive suits or watches. But I deserve the same amount of respect as anybody that does have those things. After that, Lauren and I were pretty much bummed out. We worked for a little while longer, but then decided to go to Olive Garden (our happy place) and then did some planning for the following week.

So Lauren and I took a few hours off from each other until it was time to head to Ohio. After doing a little running around before hitting the road, our exciting night began. When we finally arrived at the cove, we looked for Nick to find out when they were going to be on the stage. When we found out that they weren't going on stage until midnight Lauren and I decided to go search for some food. We had to drive 7 miles to find a pizza hut. And of course the duck came with us.



When we went back to the bar we grabbed a few drinks and checked out some of the bands. I absolutely love seeing bands perform before they get big, and I honestly believe that at least 2 of the bands that we saw last night will make it big in the next 5 years. One of the bands Dozen Dead Roses was one of the best performances that I have ever seen. There is a difference between being a good band and being a good band that can perform. And these guys could perform. This picture doesn't even do them justice.


Right after Dozen Dead Roses were on Vrede Hemel (Nick's band) was on. Again, I was incredibly impressed. I thought that sounded a little like Story of the Year. Here's Nick hamming it up between songs.


After the guys were done performing and we had told them how impressed we were Lauren and I went to the other stage to check out the band playing. This is where our night got interesting. The second that we got to the other stage a girl came up to us and asked us if we wanted to meet the guys from the headliner band. Of course we said that we did because they truly were amazing. So the girl took us backstage where the band was and they handed us a couple of beers. We were talking to them about how long they've been together, some crazy things that have happened to them onstage, and all of that jazz. After about 20 minutes Lauren and I decided that it was about time go to back out and try to find Nick and the rest of the Vrede Hemel guys. But the band that were backstage with did not let us leave .They kept telling us that we had to stay and that our guys didn't need us. So Lauren and I would stay, but nobody was really talking, so then we'd go to head back out and again would get told that we couldn't leave and all of that. Finally we started to sneak out but then when they saw us leaving they were yelling at us to come back.

As soon as we got out Lauren and I ran to the front of the bar looking for Nick. We couldn't find him but we found his guitar player, Matt, who I went to high school with. We told Matt all about getting kidnapped and told him that we were looking for Nick. He told us that Nick was just doing some things out back so Lauren and I sat down at the bar and started to play those addicting bar games on the computer. Then some drunk guy came up to us an had one hand on Lauren's shoulder and one on mine. He was perverted and I really don't even want to post on here the questions that he was asking us. If you really want to know, send me an IM and I'll tell you. The entire time that this guy was talking to us we were ignoring him and playing our game. He kept making perverted remarks (because that must be how guys get slutty girls to go home with them). Then the guy took his hand, took it down my back, and down the back of my pants. I snapped. And those of you who know me, know that I do not get mad easily, and that I hardly ever drop the F word. But when that guy did that to me, I immediately jumped up, punched him in the stomach and yelled, "don't ever F-in touch me." He looked at me and leaned forward like he was going to hug me and I kept yelling "get the F away from me." Lauren then got her liquid confidence and yelled "this girl will F you up!... and then we'll kill you!" The guy stood there looking at us like "I can't believe these girls are actually doing this to me" and kept saying that he was just trying to apologize, I kept yelling at him to just walk away and get away from me. Lauren looked like she was ready to jump on him and attack him like a spidermonkey.

After he finally walked away and was out of our sight Lauren looked over to me and said "I am SO proud of you". We kept talking about it, and how we couldn't believe that I actually stood up for myself like I did. But I honestly could not believe that a guy would do that and think that its ok. Yesterday must have been National "I have a penis so i can do whatever I want" day. What on earth makes a guy think that it is ok to take their hand and put it down a girl's pants? Honestly!?! I know that people do stupid things when they are drunk. But that is no excuse. I wish that guys like that could understand what it feels like to be violated like that, because it happens to us girls all of the time. This definitely wasn't the first time that a guy had wondering hands. But it was first time that it went that far. And I am proud of myself for standing up for myself. I do think that I hurt him a little bit, I mean, if I can throw a shot put over 45 feet, I think I can give someone a ounce of pain. haha.

Analyze this

Lauren and I have been trying to figure out what this song is really about. Here are the lyrics, what do you think?


Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been some time since we last spoke
This is gonna sound like a bad joke
But momma I fell in love again
It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend

And I know it sounds so old
But cupid got me in a chokehold
And I'm afraid I might give in
Towels on the mat my white flag is wavin'

I mean she even cooks me pancakes
And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches
If that ain't love then I don't know what love is

We even got a secret handshake
And she loves the music that my band makes
I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun
I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun

(ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

It's been awhile since we talked last and I'm tryin' hard not to talk fast
But dad I'm finally thinkin' I may have found the one
Type of girl that will make you way proud of your son

And I know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long
But I promise this is on a whole new plane
I can tell by the way she says my name (ba ba da da)

I love it when she calls my phone
She even got her very own ringtone
If that ain't love then I don't know what love is (ba ba da da)

It's gonna be a long drive home but I know as soon as I arrive home
And I open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor
She'll be back into my arms once more for sure

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

She's got a smile that would make the most senile
Annoying old man bite his tongue
I'm not done
She's got eyes comparable to sunrise
And it doesn't stop there
Man I swear
She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten
And now she's even got her own song
But movin' on
She's got the cutest laugh I ever heard
And we can be on the phone for three hours
Not sayin' one word
And I would still cherish every moment
And when I start to build my future she's the main component
Call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but
Everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got (ba ba da da)
Not much of a girlfriend
I never seem to get a lot (ba ba da da, ba ba da da)

Groovr Happy

Yesterday Lauren and I tracked our entire day (except for our late night trip to American Eagle and Target) on Groovr. We thought it would be interesting to keep tabs on where all we went that day. Without even knowing it, we picked one of our busiest days do to do it. (Starting at 11am, ending at 9pm).

Of course we did take another friend with us...


So yesterday was fill with a lot of work, with a lot of goofing around at work squeezed in there.

When Lauren gets the internet at her place I'm going to feel bad for everyone else. We have some crazy ideas in the works. (and I mean CRAZY)

Tonight, after work, we are going to head to Ohio to go see Vrede Hemel play. I listened to the cd that Nick made for us to check out before the show. And I have to admit, I was VERY impressed. I think he has a few songs up on his myspace page, but the whole cd is awesome. I bet Lauren and I listen to it the entire time we are working today.

Don't forget to check out the podcast from last night where Bill confused the crap out of me, and check out the Creative Treehouse if you are in the Pittsburgh area this weekend.

New Friend Request

New Friend Request by Gym Class Heroes

... love it

lyrics:


I remember when I first laid eyes on you
My man Tom introduced us but I was too shy to say hi
When I finally built up enough nerve to drop a line
You made it clear you wasn't just another myspace mistress
And I didn't take it personal
When you ignored my request to be your friend I spilled my guts and hit send
2 weeks for a response and got nothing
Honestly it only made me want you more
Week 4 rolled around and I was this close to letting go
But something wouldn't let me even though I hardly knew you
It was plain to see we were meant to lock lips
You knock me out with the brass knuckle tats on your hips
I was on this website late night lurking
When I got a message from you that was labled urgent
You said you weren't impressed by lame dudes with no game
They're all the same tryin to get your instant messenger name
But the fact that you're hittin me back made me smile
You must've saw somethin you liked when you was skimming through my profile
You caught me at the most pivotal moments
And now I'm emailing my love a dozen digital roses

So click approve, so simple
Show me some kind of sign and let me know it's time to make my move
Just click approve, come on girl
Baby I'm one of a kind and I ain't got time to lose
Just click approve, you're killing me here
Show me some kind of sign and let me know it's time to make my move
Just click approve, come on girl
Baby I'm one of a kind and I ain't got time to lose

Let's face it, it's a sad situation when we have to resort to keyboards as a means of making relations
But I don't have the patience, I get straight to the point
So this is me at my most honest
No egos, no Gym Class status, just Travis
Love you to leave it, but you gotta admit
On a scale of 1 to awesome I'm the shit
Just get over it, it happened god damnit, I'd been waitin too long
I even wrote a song about, like to hear it, here it go
If I'm being too annoying, let me know (just let me know)
But its hard for me to not hate
When I'm on myspace I never see my face in your "Top 8"
Approaching 6 weeks now, it's kinda obvious that you're either occupied or playing a game
All my money's on the latter, this is not a "lol" matter
Why would you pass up a chance this great?
If there were two forces and I split them down the middle, I could swing back and forth for 3 days (Rephrase)
If I had two horses, and I beat them with authority, I'd gallop all the way to Canada to see your face
But all I got is this Powerbook and Ichat
Besides I hit you all the time and you never write back
I stay on my feet (shit)
And be persistent until my name is under "who you'd like to meet"

So click approve, so simple
Show me some kind of sign and let me know it's time to make my move
Just click approve, come on girl
Baby I'm one of a kind and I ain't got time to lose
Just click approve, you're killing me here
Show me some kind of sign and let me know it's time to make my move
Just click approve, come on girl
Baby I'm one of a kind and I ain't got time to lose

Who cares if we don't know each other's last name
All I know is that I'm smittin with your pictures wishin you would feel the same
I'll admit I get a lil jealous when other dudes leave you comments
Don't let it gas you up, it's all nonsense
Make me out, romancing the thought of me and you speaking in tongues in this mansion I bought
But it's all wishful thinking
Just give me some kind of sign to let me know I'm not freakin you out
And if you love then what I'm speaking about, then say something
I check my inbox 10 times and there ain't nothing
You probably busy doing something sexy
I just hope I'm in your thoughts next time you log in
And if not, ain't no love lost between you and me
I'll be here when your man ain't fully down as he used to be
So yeah its time to sign out, my vision's getting blurry
This is madness, xoxo dash Travis

So click approve, so simple
Show me some kind of sign and let me know it's time to make my move
Just click approve, come on girl
Baby I'm one of a kind and I ain't got time to lose
Just click approve, you're killing me here
Show me some kind of sign and let me know it's time to make my move
Just click approve, come on girl
Baby I'm one of a kind and I ain't got time to lose
So click approve

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A challenge...

One of my favorite entries that I have written is my I.am. entry. There's something about laying yourself out on the line and not caring what other people think. So I have challenged some people to do the same and will be posting it here. Kind of postsecret-ish.

First submission:

I'm shy. I often hide who I really am to not stand out. I change my personalty from each and every person. I'm an athlete. I hate to lose, especially to girls. I love cycling and what it offers me. Seeing the scenery, clearing my head and most of all challenging myself. I hate dances. I also don't like formal social events. I look weird in a suit and tie. I love working out. I think outside the box. I love doing things the untraditional way. I love video games. I like to watch people do everyday things. I love walking on late summer nights. I think the best thing a friend can do is make me laugh. I always try to do the right thing. I work as a massage therapist. I am also a semi-pro cyclist. I make a lot of money and I try to hide it. I don't want people to use me for money. People trust me with their secrets. I always try to please others. I hate when people don't give me a chance. I love music. I love alone time. I also love when random people smile at me.


... anyone else who wants to send me theirs I will gladly post it, without posting your name!

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Late Start to my Day

This is going to be a quick entry. I'm just waiting for Lauren to get here to pick me up for work. Today should be a pretty good day, enrollment-wise for us, and maybe we can work on one of our contests that we have going on. (Extra money is always a plus)

Last night I was on Online with Bill Alexander: Netio Show again. Last night we talked about Aflac, stupid people in Erie, podcamp, and Bill on Wikipedia. I was suprised by how many people were on there last night. Look's like Bill is getting to be the popular guy on TalkShoe!

I'm pretty sure that Lauren and I are going to cross the border and head to Ohio this weekend to see Vrede Hemel play. Road trips are always a good time, especially when they are to go to a bar to see a friend play in a band.

I should probably get going, I'm sure that Lauren will be here soon and I don't want to keep her waiting!

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A good day in the Aflac world

Today Lauren and I were on fire. We started our day off with a quick stop at Tim Hortons. I'm pretty sure that they know us by name there now. I did some shameless self-promoting (as in for Aflac) with a few of the guys that came in after us. Too bad they already had it, or we could have definitely written some business. We wrote an unexpected policy at one of our existing accounts. We scheduled 2 new enrollments, which means 2 new accounts. (Which means closer to hitting some of our bonuses and winning contests). You really can't beat working at Aflac, especially when it comes to bonuses. I don't know too many people that will get a $5,000, a trip to Georgia, a trip to Cancun, and another trip that hasn't even been decided yet, this year for simply going to work and doing their job. Yes, I think the bonuses outweigh the constant duck jokes and "AFLAAAAC" that we hear non-stop.

Today someone told me that I have pretty, big brown eyes. I'm pretty sure that he meant it as a compliment, but I don't think that you should say "big" in any type of compliment. Lets think about it, "you have a pretty, big nose", nope, not a compliment. "You have a pretty, big butt", still not a compliment. "You have a pretty, big mole on the side of your face". Yeah, definitely not. So here's that PSA for all of you out there, if you are going to compliment someone on something leave out the words "big" or "little", because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to hear about having pretty little eyes either.

And anyways, I don't think my eyes are that big...

... ok, maybe they are, but I don't need you pointing it out! haha.

I got a new computer today. I ordered it last Monday and the lovely UPS guy, who is probably about a foot shorter than me, delivered it today. $2700 for a new computer that isn't even a mac. It was a shame, and it broke my heart to have to get a computer that expensive without photobooth and isight built in. But I guess the Aflac system has to be pretty solid and safe. We don't need social security numbers leaking out all over the place. I'm pretty sure Mike would realize it though, if he started getting a bill from Victoria's Secret. So right now I have an iBook, a toughbook, and a Lifebook in my room. Could I be any more of a dork?

I have been getting virb friend requests like crazy. It's weird, there are only like 2 people on my friends list on there that are actually people that I talk to. I do feel semi-pressured into adding all of the randoms just because virb is so new, and it kinda needs the networks in order to grow. So if you're a random friend on my virb account and we never talk, expect to be deleted once virb really takes off and I can replace you with people that can actually pronounce my last name.

I don't know if I have said this in this blog yet or not. But I love my neighbors Emily,Trevor, and Mark. Now, if we could only meet the people who live on the first floor we could be just like Mr. Roger's neighborhood.

Late Night

Does anyone actually like the sound of their voice? For as long as I can remember, I have hated hearing my voice on an answering machine or radio. I've always hoped that I really don't sound like that, even though I'm pretty sure that I do... its nice to just pretend that I don't sound like an annoying 13 year old (because we all know how much I love those)



Anyways, today I guess you could say I faced my fear of that. Haha. I made my first appearance on a podcast hosted by Bill Alexander. I had listened to Jesse talk about the Treehouse on a podcast and then a few with Justine on them so I looked up what talkshoe was all about. I had an absolute blast on the show. Despite being outnumbered by guys like 5:1. We basically talked about groovr/myspace/virb/facebook. They also checked out this blog!



After the podcast was over I downloaded it and finally got the guts to listen to it. And I realized that I really do laugh (or giggle) wayyyy to much. I didn't really sound like a little kid, like I'm told that I do on the phone, but I definitely sounded like a stupid girl. Oh well I guess.



A couple of the guys suggested that I do my own podcast show, but I don't know. It is something that I have thought about, especially since we talked about it in MMP last year in class. But I really don't know what I would talk about all of the time. On here I can ramble and not have to worry about what other people are thinking, but if I did a show, I'd HAVE to make sense. What kind of fun could that be? haha.



I really should head to bed, its almost 2am and I need to be able to get out of bed tomorrow. I'll have to tell Lauren about my podcasting experience. I'm sure that she'll have no idea what I'm talking about, since I'm the dork in our (professional) relationship. haha.

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A geek day

Today has definitely been a geek day. Lauren and I took today to get caught up on work so that we can go all out the rest of the week. So after I got organized and got the paper work done that I needed to do for the week, I went and cleaned my room and some of the apartment.



I tried out talkshoe for the first time this morning, after listening to some of the podcasts from there. I also joined VIRB which is basically the next (and much better) Myspace. Between that and groovr, my bet is that myspace will be gone in less than 2 years. Well, maybe those scary old men and the 13 year old girls will stay on there to find eachother and then end up on Dateline, but besides that...



Today it was above 30 degrees outside, and I honestly wanted to put shorts on and go for a walk. Its crazy that 30 degrees could ever feel warm, but it does. The cats love it, they have been sleeping on the arm of the couch all day because its right beside the window. We're definitely going to have to get new blinds because of their window activity.









Yes, they're cute. But Jack drives me crazy. He's an attention whore and i can't handle having him wake me up at 3 am meow-ing because he wants me to pet him.



I called the landlord today to tell them that my door and the door to the bathroom wont latch, but I just got the answering machine. I left a message, but I should probably call tomorrow as well to see if they got the message. The sooner my door gets fixed the sooner I can have an interrupted night's sleep...

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Random

I haven't blogged in a few days. I've thought about it, just haven't gotten around to it. Quick recap time? ok!

On Friday we had a regional meeting for work. Lauren and I actually had to talk at the meeting (despite only having worked there for like 4 months). I'm going to be honest with you, we were nervous. But I'm pretty sure that we charmed our audience. (If you ever saw us together, you'd understand how easy that is for us)

This weekend I went home to see my cousins that are over from Michigan. I cannot wait until they move back to PA soon!

Also has a few random encounters this weekend. haha.

This week will hopefully be pretty busy, especially at work. Then the weekend (yes, I'm already thinking about the weekend) could go in any direction. I need one night out with the girls, hopefully Lauren if she can find a babysitter for the little cuties.

Ok, a lame update, I know. But one nonetheless.

Don't forget to check out these HOT sites:
* groovr - getting more addictive every day
* Creative Treehouse - 24 Hour Marathon this weekend!
* PostSecret - It's Sunday, which means an update!

Junior Year

Today when we were driving around Lauren and I were talking about boys and all of that good stuff. I mentioned something about that infamous 2 weeks during my junior year and then really got to thinking about it. Junior Year was probably one of the best years of my life. It was definitely my best year at SRU.

I don't know if it was because it was the first time that I lived off of campus and didnt have to worry about all of that stupid stuff that you have to when you're in a dorm. Actually, I'm sure that played a big part in it.

Junior year was just something else. I had an amazing season in track that year. The only part that sucked was spring break that year. And that sucked BAD.

It might have been the fact that my Junior year was the year that I actually had really close GIRL friends. We had a pretty solid group of girls that year. Our late night trips to Target or Wal-Mart in Butler were always full of suprises. I also had Karyn to talk to every day. Having her live right down the hall was definitely a highlight of the year. I miss Karyn. I need to send her a card, its been too long. That year was also the bonding year for Ali, Renatta and I. And we all know that they are two of the girls that I keep in contact with the most...

Junior year was also the year that I went a little crazy with the guys. That probably sounded a lot worse than what it was. But like I was telling Lauren today, I was kind of a cuddle whore that year. It's not my fault though... nobody could resist my sweet loft and the cat in my bed. (inside joke). And the whole spring break thing was not my fault either, who doesn't want a free t-shirt? haha, wow. If you don't know what I'm really talking about, I'm sure that your opinion of me just dropped. Oh well, I blog for me and not for you. Sorry.

What else made my junior year so awesome? I covered track, friends, and boys... hm. I dont really know what made it so great, or why it was one of my best years. I guess it was just a combination of things...

13 year olds on myspace

Has anyone else noticed that about 80 percent of people on myspace are 13 year old girls? And out of all of those girls, about 99% of them have typical emo pics. These are pics where the girls have as much eyeliner on as jared leto has been sporting lately. These pictures also are taken into a mirror. I know that you all know what I'm talking about. Pretty soon there will be a function on digital cameras that is called "13 year old emo girl self pic".

Anyways... I tried out this phenomenon, for no purpose other than to mock those 13 year old girls.



Anyways... I'm awaiting to hear who got engaged today. Being V-day and all. I'm sure that at least one person that I know got engaged. Which means that one more person will leave the single list. Ahh... everyone is punking out on me!

I'm gonna publish this for now, but I'll probably add more to this entry later, or maybe just write a completely new (and actually thoughtful) entry.

I'm glad I'm a girl

As much as I can complain about being a girl, there is definitely a good side to being a girl.

Because I'm a girl...

I can cry without feeling stupid (even though boys shouldnt either). I can cuddle up with a member of the same sex without having someone second guess my sexuality. I can get manicures and pedicures. I can sing in my car without caring what other people think. I can read gossip magazines. I understand how great it is to jump into bed right after shaving my legs (ok, so the track boys know about that too!) I don't have to know anything about cars, but I get to brag when I do. I wont have to worry about how I'm going to propose. I will be able to be a mother. I get to have candles all over the place without having a plan to make a move. love spell / herbal essence / bath and body works. I can shop at Victoria's Secret without feeling like a perv. I get to paint my toe nails.

Ok, I was hoping that I would get tired after blogging, but I'm not sure that worked. I really do need to get some sleep, I've got a big day ahead of me!

Three Worlds

This morning I woke up after having another odd dream. Not odd like some of the ones that I have been having, but just one that made me think "why on earth am I dreaming about this situation?"

The dream started by my parents and I organizing something. Trying to find a place to have a party, getting everyone's mailing address and all of that stuff. Then it kinda skipped forward. And I was walking into a room with a guy and when we got into the room there were tons of people. Old friends from high school, my SRU track kids, and my new friends from Erie. Everyone was having a good time and talking to eachother. They were all dressed up, sitting around decorated tables. Then it hit me. It was my wedding reception. It's weird, because the whole time I was at school in Slippery Rock I always felt like I was living in 2 worlds, one in Slippery Rock and one in Corry. I never thought that those two worlds would get to cross. Only two people from Corry ever got to meet some of my track kids. And now I'm adding my Erie friends to the mix. I guess I always thought about what it would take to make my worlds collide. I don't know who the guy I was marrying was. I can't remember a face. But when I woke up I was once again confused by my dream.

Maybe it was because last night when I was at the neighbors we were all talking about a couple that got married kinda young. Two of the girls were saying that they had been talking to their boyfriends about marriage. Or maybe it's because last night I saw the episode of Sex and the City where Aiden proposes to Carrie. (and now am watching the episode where they are going to break off the engagement) Either way, thinking about marriage freaks me out. I know that I blogged about this before and it came from a slightly different perspective. But honestly, how am I ever going to know that one guy is the one? The one that I am suppose to spend the rest of my life with. The one that should be the father of my children? I've had different guys in my life. Ones that I've thought about a future with, but that was in high school, first loves, and guys I knew the timing was wrong with. That's another thing I've been thinking about. I've had a few guys in my life that I had a connection with, but just knew (even before the relationship actually started) that the timing was off. But just because the timing was wrong when I was still in college, does that mean that timing will always be wrong?

I rearranged my room last night. I got bored with how it was. I do that a lot, and not just with my room. I get bored with relationships when they become a routine. I always hated that in high school. The whole "I'll meet you outside of your class after block 1, we'll walk to my locker, then go to your block 2..." ugh, just thinking about it makes me cringe.

Well, the one love of my life just woke up and brought her tail and four legs over to me, so I think I'm gonna go cuddle with Ryme for a little bit before packing up and probably heading to my parents so that I can do my taxes.

Weekend Warrior?

It's 12:12am, which means its officially Friday. This week seemed to drag on a little. The past few weeks have flown by, but not this one. Lauren and I have been putting extra hours in at work, today we scheduled 2 appointments with the owners of 2 beer distributors in Erie. We've decided that's the audience we're gonna tackle right now because they're generally pretty relaxed/fun people to work with and also because most of the owners are men. We have become pretty good at schmoozing old men. haha.

So it's Friday and I have absolutely no idea what I am going to be doing with my weekend. I know that Lauren and I are going to working for most of the day (and possibly night) tomorrow. But after that, I don't know. I was originally going to go to Slippery Rock on Saturday for the track meet. But now I'm not too sure because I don't think its going to be a very big meet. I need to see if there is any chance that Renatta will be going. That would definitely sway my decision. Lauren mentioned something about going out on Saturday night too, so I really don't know where I'll end up Saturay night.

I'm probably gonna make a trip to my parents on Sunday. I need to do my taxes and since I just learned how to do them today, I'm going to use their TurboTax and get them sent in. This is a big thing for me, doing my own taxes. And I know that all of you are thinking that its a pretty easy thing to do. But not when you have worked at 5 different jobs this past year and have to file a lovely 1099 and try to sort out all of your work deductions" Yes, I am going to be proud of myself once it's all said and done.

One thing that I really want to do this weekend is start reading again. I have a pile of books that I have been wanting to start, but have been pushing it aside.

Ok, I suppose a quick nap would be nice.

A handful of the good ones

Don't you just love when you meet someone that you can be yourself around? Someone that you don't care if they now all of your stupid little habbits. Someone that you can look at and just know what they are thinking and vice versa?

No, I'm not talking about a boy. Even though I do have some guy friends like that, I'm learning that I cherish my relationships with girls more than ever. It's weird because I was always the girl with all of the guy friends. I could just always relate to guys better than girls. I hate petty girls, and most girls are petty. I know that some of you know exactly what I mean by this and the rest are thinking "why is she forgetting to put the 'r' in 'pretty'?" and if you're a girl thinking that, please don't even bother me because you're the kind of person that I don't like. ok? haha.

Anyways... it has only in the past 5 years that I have met girls that I can actually be 100% myself around. This reminds me that I NEED to call Aut and see how her trip is going. Especially now that I know she is getting cell service in Arizona. Today Lauren and I had a good girl day. Even though it's been a very slow Aflac week, and she had a pretty bad beginning of the day, our "2nd shift" was a much needed one.

I planned on going more in depth with this entry, but I'm just not feeling like it anymore. It seems to be a trend in my entries, I get all excited when I remember to blog, then 1/2 way through what I was going to write I get bored, sidetracked or just forget where I'm going with it.

One last note... everyone in the Pittsburgh area needs to check out Creative Treehouse Especially all of you graphic design/multimedia people. I would tell you all about it, but I couldn't do it justice, so you might as well jump over there and check out what Jesse has done with the place and what he has planned.

... don't cry

I've had the Fergie cd for a while now, but just today actually listened to it and found a song that kinda goes along with what I'm feeling now...

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your hometown
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
Be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Dont cry, Dont cry

The path that I'm walking, I must go alone
I must take the baby steps til I'm full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending do they
And I forseek the dark ahead if I stay

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry

Like a little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and uno cards
I'll be your best friend
And you'll be mine, valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
Cuz I wanna hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity, peace, serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, Dont cry, Dont cry

Brrr

In November, December, and January I was worried about global warming. We had days in December where the temp was in the 60's and pushing the 70's. In Erie, PA that's unheard of. But after this past week, my fears of global warming have been pushed to the backburner.

Day after day we have seen temperatures with the windchill making it below zero. I told Lauren that I wish we could have just spread out the cold throughout the past 4 months. Instead of having such warm weather until the end of January, I would prefer to have 40 degrees throughout winter. This below zero crap is for the birds.

Speaking of birds, well, speaking of animals... I'm pretty sure that we will be having kittens in the apartment in 9 weeks. All day Sunday Jack and Ryme were acting like teenagers and I caught them again today going at it. So if anyone is interested in kittens let me know! I can gaurantee that they will be super cute, I mean, just check out their parents...

I.am.

I was looking through my old blog earlier today and I came across one of my favorite entries so I'm reposting some of it which was originally posted October 23, 2006.

I contradict myself in so many ways. My identity changes as often as my away messages. I am an athlete. I am smart. I am a computer dork. I google. I believe that the best things in life happen after midnight. I love driving by myself, at night. I believe that music choice is influenced by my mood, and vice versa. I love my odd piercings in my ears and when I had my bright red highlights. I loved dressing up all of the time this summer with Aut. I am a people pleaser. Parents and teachers love me. I procrastinate. I hate ET, but I love scary movies. I'm stuck between who I was and trying to figure out who I want to become. I believe in taking advantage of being young. I am lucky enough to have friends that would do anything for me who live both right down the hall and a plane ride away. I take too many pictures because I know that it is never guaranteed that I'll have someone in my life the next day. I understand that you can love someone with all of your heart, but not be in love with them. I understand that importance of late night talks, of rushing back from Target to be with a friend, of knowing that its ok to laugh at your friends. I love the simplicity of living in a small town, but the urge to experience the craziness of a big city. I laugh loud. I've been told that I smile with my eyes. I have never met my biological father, but I know that I have something better, the best dad anyone could ever ask for. I am indecisive. I cry for no reason. I cry when I see other people cry. I would rather have a guy call me at 3 am to tell me he was thinking about me than for him to give me flowers. I love the soreness that I feel after a hard workout, even though I complain about it. I know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. I believe that everyone has a dark secret. I wish I was still friends with more people I met my freshman year. I hate when people ask me what I'm going to do after I graduate. People always come to me for advice. I can tell when someone is fake, and I hate fake people. I believe in giving second chances, but I believe that you should have to work for your third chance. I love second kisses that are as good as the first. Thunderstorms remind me of when I was little and my family would have slumber parties in the living room. Everytime I come home I get closer with my brother, and I wish it didn't take me so long to appreciate him. I always think I could have done better. I think my friends' imperfections are what make them perfect. I think that books are better than their movies. I'm afraid of losing contact with people after I graduate. I know that you don't need to spend money in order to have a good time. I miss high school football games. I appreciate how different all of my friends are. I feel like I live two different lives, one at home and one at school. I try to look before I leap, even though I know its more fun just to leap. I love it when I hear a song and think that I could have written the lyrics. I love finding people who share the same music taste as me, because for some reason I think it means we share more than just that. I will trust anyone until they give me a reason not to and when they do they probably wont be a part of my life anymore. I believe that my perfect guy is out there, but he's just waiting for the right timing. I have been referred to as "the nicest girl in the world". I love people who laugh so hard that they have to turn away.

Weird dreams and 2 hour delays

I've been having the oddest dreams lately. The kind where you wake up and just think "wtf!?!" For example, last night in my dream Renatta and I went back to college and were roommates. Our room was huge and came with everything a normal SRU dorm comes with and then 2 couches and some sweet end tables. Our room was on the 5th floor and there were no elevators in the dorm room and we were both pissed that we would have to walk up 5 flights after hard track workouts. Our next door neighbors were two guys that I grew up with and Renatta was interested in one of them so she went and got a haircut, which made her look COMPLETELY different than she normally does. Then when we were meeting new people I met a guy who was getting text messages from one of my old boyfriends. The ex was telling this guy that he was gay and has had 1 other boyfriend and was interested in him... I told you it was a messed up dream. The one that I had the night before had the twins, Mike and Dan in it and I was driving a boat all over until there was a bad storm and all of the water froze and we had to push the boat over the ice.

Sometimes I really wonder if there is some twisted hidden meaning behind my dreams. I used to think that there was and had one of those dream books where you look up things that you remember about your dream and it tells you what you are really thinking about or what is going to happen in your life. But that was way back when I was in 10th grade or so.

The TV stations in Erie have been showing 2 hour delays for schools tomorrow since about 8:00 tonight. I miss those days. My brother and I used to wake up for school at the normal time, and then realize that there was a 2 hour delay. We'd drink hot chocolate all morning and watch cartoons while praying that the 2 hour delay would turn into a cancellation.

Tomorrow Lauren, Eric, and I have to drive down to Meadville for a work meeting @ 8:30am. Not a big deal because Meadville is only a 35-40 minute drive from Erie. But since it's Erie and our winter is just now here, it could be a long day. A 2 hour delay tomorrow would be perfect.

Walking around in the dark

think it's just now starting to hit me that my parent's house is not my house anymore. Granted, it will always be my home. But it's no longer my house. I don't know if that really makes sense. Of course I spent 4 years at college, but that was different. When I came home, it was still my house. But now, now my apartment is my place and my parent's place just a place to visit.

I'm at my parents' now. And it just hit me about 1/2 hour ago when I was walking from my old room (which looks nothing like my room used to) to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Usually I can walk around the house without having to turn on a light. I just know how many steps it is to the kitchen, where the counter is, all of that stuff. But now I find myself turning to soon and running into the counter or walking past the door on the way back. I no longer know my way around the house in the dark. As odd as that might sound (and most of my thoughts are odd) it's one of those bittersweet feelings. It's nice to know that I am growing up and that I do have a place of my own and am completely independent. At the same time I do miss my family and all of their quirkiness.

I'm definitely at an odd stage in my life, even though it seems like the past 4 years of my life has been one odd stage after the other...

... does anyone else have ANY idea what I mean?